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Maybe Vader banged some other braud after Padme with his melted dong, who had a kid, who then had Rey.
Then her parents sent her off to be a Jedi but she was a little bitch and they figured she'd end up like Vader so they dumped her in the desert, which actually worked as she grew up to look like Daisy Ridley and not some horrifically sunburnt, homeless scruff
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