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**Outsider** · 04-10-2017, 08:12 PM

So, I don't delete e-mails, so I just had a look to see if I could find any old stuff. I found a couple of matches, not sure who wrote them as they were emailed to me rather than mine.

I believe this was from Summerspam 2002, which can be watched on the TPWWE Network for only $9.99.

Beauser vs. Big Vito 22
The two men attempt to lock up but both trip simultaneously and bang their heads. They both slowly stagger up and do a staredown to almost 0 crowd reaction. Beauser attempts a dropkick but lands on his back for Big Vito to drop a elbow into the midsection. Beauser stays on the ground holding his stomach as the crowd groans.

CoE: This is horrible!

JeRz: You can say that again.

CoE: This is horrible!

JeRz I didnt mean it figuratively you dolt!

CoE:Excuse me for losing my sense of what words mean in a freak washing machine accident!

JeRz Not much is happening in this contest..

Beauser continues to sell the elbow until he finally reaches his feet. Vito hits a punch to the shoulder in which Beauser doesnt sell and returns with a dropkick to the groin. Vito drops to the mat as Beauser mounts the ropes. He attempts for a frog splash but slips on the ropes and falls to the outside through the announce table!

CoE That clumsy moron just flew through our announce table!

JeRz OH MY GAWD! I SWEAR TO GOD HE IS BROKEN IN HALF! I SWEAR ON MY BBQ SAUCE THAT HE IS IN HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PAIN RIGHT NOW! HIS BACK MUST BE BROKEN IN 800 DIFFERENT PLACES! OH MY GAWD!! OH MY GAWDD!!

CoE:Actually dude, he no sold it and he is back in the ring now.

JeRz: Okie.

Beauser nails a big boot, but the force of Vito coming towards him causes Beauser to fall backwards rather than the intended Vito.

CoE: This is it!

CoE seems fed up with this horrid match up and slides into the ring, dropping both Beauser and Vito with a Europacution. CoE grabs the ref by the hair and demands he counts! Its over! CoE wins a match he wasnt even a part of! He climbs out from the ring and gets back into his announce position.

CoE: I had to do something..It was scaring the children..

Winner: Champion of Europa

Y2Crippler vs. ct2k

Both men lock up. Y2Crippler locks ct2k into a side headlock and floats it into a bulldog. Y2Crippler bounces off the rops and nails his version of the "Rolling Thunder" which he calls "Balls of Fire". As Y2Crippler arrives to his feet he singals that he is going for his finisher but he is cut off with a desperation clothesline.

JeRz: That could've beheaded Crippler!

Ct2k arrives to his feet to drop repeated stomps into the chest of Y2Crippler. He grabs Crippler by the hair and spits in his face. This angers Crippler and causes ct2k to get dropped by a fantastic spinebuster.

JeRz: SPINE ON THE PINE!

CoE: Right-eo..

Crippler mounts himself ontop of ct2k and delivers 10 closed fist punches to the face. He slides off and plays to the crowd to a roaring amount of applause. Ct2k comes to, and when Crippler turns around he is dropped with a quick DDT. Ct2k goes for the pin, 1-2- kickout! Ct2k seems amazed that he kicked out of that! He tries again and gets the count of two once again. Ct2k stands up and starts choking out Crippler with his foot, before quickly mounting the ropes and getting airbourne for a elbow drop which Crippler moved out of the way for! Ct2k nurses his wounds as Crippler makes his way to his feet. Tapping his boot as the crowd cheers wildly! Ct2k pulls himself up suddenly and kicks Crippler in the balls! Crippler holds his package in agony as Ct2k plays to the crowd. Suddenly Crippler pulls a cup out of his tights and quickly delivers a kick to the balls on Ct2k!

JeRz:OH MY GAWD! Y2CRIPPLER, Y2CRIPPLER!!

CoE: Bischoff wouldnt have marked out for that..

Y2Crippler makes the pinfall and scores the 1-2-3 for the victory.

Hardcore Title: Dowunder vs. Hero

Downunder offers to shake Hero's hand. Hero extends his hand only to get clocked with a trash can lid! Hero falls forward which allows Downunder to drop a elbow onto the back of Hero's head with the trash can lid. Downunder spits on Hero in disgust for his lack of fight. Hero slowly begins to arise and Downunder tries to give him a punch, but it seemingly doesnt affect him. Hero starts shaking and banging his head. Downunder tries again and once again Hero is unaffected. Hero points to Downunder as the crowd exclaims, "YOU!" Hero rips off his shirt revealing massive man breasts, the crowd cowers in fear as the mothers cover up the eyes of their now mentally scarred children.

JeRz: OH MY GAWD! HE'S HEROING UP!!

CoE: God JeRz, you make it sound like he's shooting Heroin.. Actually, with the way he acts when he Heroes up, that assumption doesnt seem too far off..

Hero gives Downunder some incredibly weak punches and then irish whips him. Dropping him with a big boot before bouncing off the ropes and dropping a big leg! Hero attempts the pinfall but suddenly snaps and goes deaf, pointing to his ears repeatedly. The crowd cheers loudly thinking he is just playing to the crowd. In the confusion Downunder retrieves an Aussie Pie and drills Hero with it. Hero becomes blinded by the hot filling as Nunder grabs a dingo and knocks him upside the head with it, scoring the pinfall and the Hardcore Title.

JeRz: OH MY GAWD! HE USED AUSSIE WILDLIFE TO WIN THE MATCH! THE CHEATING BASTARD! ONCE THE IMMORTAL HERO GETS A HOLD OF HIM AGAIN THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY! BBQ SAUCE!

CoE: Right-eo..Next match..

Winner: YOUR Hero

Lightheavyweight Title: The Miz vs. Yashmanga

The Miz starts off the match with a jumping clothesline from halfway across the ring. They both recover quickly enough to stare down each other before Yashmanga drops the Miz with a calf kick. Yashmanga delivers quick punches to the chest of Miz before connecting with an elbow to the sternum. Yashmanga rips off his TPWW shirt to reveal a Masturbating Bear shirt, much to the groaning of the crowd.

CoE:Its not like we havent seen this before..I thought I saw the popcorn guy duck when Yashmanga went for his shirt..We had enough problems with Hero..

JeRz: You speak the truth..

Yashmanga dances around, fondling a sock from his crotch while the crowd screams as their eyes burn. The Miz can no longer take it and spears him off his feet. Then promptly throwing Yash over the top rope, Yash's back bouncing off the sharp corner of the baracade. The Miz hurls himself over the top rope and onto Yash below. Both men appear very injured. We see a tall figure walk to the wring, its THE MASTURBATING BEAR! He puts both of the competitors into the ring and locks Yashmanga in the Masturbating Bear Hug! Yashmanga begins to bleed from the mouth. The bear drops Yash as Miz picks up the win!

Winner and LHW Champion: The Miz

Canadian International Qualifier: So Twistid vs. Kapoutman vs. da king vs. Hurricane

All of the competitors quickly run at each other causing a train wreck in the center of the ring. Da King gores through Hurricane and Kapoutman levels Twistid with a boot. Da King catches Kapoutman's eye and they both go to the turnbuckle hitting that crappy move from Ready to Rumble. Once both men arise Da King drills Kapoutman with "The Crowning" and pins him for an elmination!

JeRz: Kapoutman is elminated!

CoE: Looks like I lose the office pool, I had you to scream "BY GAWD!" 40 times..

JeRz: BY GAWD x 40!

CoE:

We join the action in the ring with Twistid and King brawling and while Hurricane scouts the action. Twistid has King on the ground. He bounces off the ropes into a clothesline from the awaiting Hurricane! Hurricane climbs the ropes and nails the Outkaster and pins Twistid! Its down now to The Hurricane and Da King. Hurricane tries to light up in mid match but Da King wont have it! He takes the joint and shoves it into Hurricane's eye! Da King quickly drops Hurricane with "The Crowning" to win the Qualifier!!

JeRz BY GAWD, WHAT A SLOBBERKNOCKER!

CoE: Wooo! Look's like I just won the pool!

04-10-2017, 08:12 PM	#39
Outsider Just Some Guy Posts: 14,679	So, I don't delete e-mails, so I just had a look to see if I could find any old stuff. I found a couple of matches, not sure who wrote them as they were emailed to me rather than mine. I believe this was from Summerspam 2002, which can be watched on the TPWWE Network for only $9.99. Beauser vs. Big Vito 22 The two men attempt to lock up but both trip simultaneously and bang their heads. They both slowly stagger up and do a staredown to almost 0 crowd reaction. Beauser attempts a dropkick but lands on his back for Big Vito to drop a elbow into the midsection. Beauser stays on the ground holding his stomach as the crowd groans. CoE: This is horrible! JeRz: You can say that again. CoE: This is horrible! JeRz I didnt mean it figuratively you dolt! CoE:Excuse me for losing my sense of what words mean in a freak washing machine accident! JeRz Not much is happening in this contest.. Beauser continues to sell the elbow until he finally reaches his feet. Vito hits a punch to the shoulder in which Beauser doesnt sell and returns with a dropkick to the groin. Vito drops to the mat as Beauser mounts the ropes. He attempts for a frog splash but slips on the ropes and falls to the outside through the announce table! CoE That clumsy moron just flew through our announce table! JeRz OH MY GAWD! I SWEAR TO GOD HE IS BROKEN IN HALF! I SWEAR ON MY BBQ SAUCE THAT HE IS IN HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PAIN RIGHT NOW! HIS BACK MUST BE BROKEN IN 800 DIFFERENT PLACES! OH MY GAWD!! OH MY GAWDD!! CoE:Actually dude, he no sold it and he is back in the ring now. JeRz: Okie. Beauser nails a big boot, but the force of Vito coming towards him causes Beauser to fall backwards rather than the intended Vito. CoE: This is it! CoE seems fed up with this horrid match up and slides into the ring, dropping both Beauser and Vito with a Europacution. CoE grabs the ref by the hair and demands he counts! Its over! CoE wins a match he wasnt even a part of! He climbs out from the ring and gets back into his announce position. CoE: I had to do something..It was scaring the children.. Winner: Champion of Europa Y2Crippler vs. ct2k Both men lock up. Y2Crippler locks ct2k into a side headlock and floats it into a bulldog. Y2Crippler bounces off the rops and nails his version of the "Rolling Thunder" which he calls "Balls of Fire". As Y2Crippler arrives to his feet he singals that he is going for his finisher but he is cut off with a desperation clothesline. JeRz: That could've beheaded Crippler! Ct2k arrives to his feet to drop repeated stomps into the chest of Y2Crippler. He grabs Crippler by the hair and spits in his face. This angers Crippler and causes ct2k to get dropped by a fantastic spinebuster. JeRz: SPINE ON THE PINE! CoE: Right-eo.. Crippler mounts himself ontop of ct2k and delivers 10 closed fist punches to the face. He slides off and plays to the crowd to a roaring amount of applause. Ct2k comes to, and when Crippler turns around he is dropped with a quick DDT. Ct2k goes for the pin, 1-2- kickout! Ct2k seems amazed that he kicked out of that! He tries again and gets the count of two once again. Ct2k stands up and starts choking out Crippler with his foot, before quickly mounting the ropes and getting airbourne for a elbow drop which Crippler moved out of the way for! Ct2k nurses his wounds as Crippler makes his way to his feet. Tapping his boot as the crowd cheers wildly! Ct2k pulls himself up suddenly and kicks Crippler in the balls! Crippler holds his package in agony as Ct2k plays to the crowd. Suddenly Crippler pulls a cup out of his tights and quickly delivers a kick to the balls on Ct2k! JeRz:OH MY GAWD! Y2CRIPPLER, Y2CRIPPLER!! CoE: Bischoff wouldnt have marked out for that.. Y2Crippler makes the pinfall and scores the 1-2-3 for the victory. Hardcore Title: Dowunder vs. Hero Downunder offers to shake Hero's hand. Hero extends his hand only to get clocked with a trash can lid! Hero falls forward which allows Downunder to drop a elbow onto the back of Hero's head with the trash can lid. Downunder spits on Hero in disgust for his lack of fight. Hero slowly begins to arise and Downunder tries to give him a punch, but it seemingly doesnt affect him. Hero starts shaking and banging his head. Downunder tries again and once again Hero is unaffected. Hero points to Downunder as the crowd exclaims, "YOU!" Hero rips off his shirt revealing massive man breasts, the crowd cowers in fear as the mothers cover up the eyes of their now mentally scarred children. JeRz: OH MY GAWD! HE'S HEROING UP!! CoE: God JeRz, you make it sound like he's shooting Heroin.. Actually, with the way he acts when he Heroes up, that assumption doesnt seem too far off.. Hero gives Downunder some incredibly weak punches and then irish whips him. Dropping him with a big boot before bouncing off the ropes and dropping a big leg! Hero attempts the pinfall but suddenly snaps and goes deaf, pointing to his ears repeatedly. The crowd cheers loudly thinking he is just playing to the crowd. In the confusion Downunder retrieves an Aussie Pie and drills Hero with it. Hero becomes blinded by the hot filling as Nunder grabs a dingo and knocks him upside the head with it, scoring the pinfall and the Hardcore Title. JeRz: OH MY GAWD! HE USED AUSSIE WILDLIFE TO WIN THE MATCH! THE CHEATING BASTARD! ONCE THE IMMORTAL HERO GETS A HOLD OF HIM AGAIN THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY! BBQ SAUCE! CoE: Right-eo..Next match.. Winner: YOUR Hero Lightheavyweight Title: The Miz vs. Yashmanga The Miz starts off the match with a jumping clothesline from halfway across the ring. They both recover quickly enough to stare down each other before Yashmanga drops the Miz with a calf kick. Yashmanga delivers quick punches to the chest of Miz before connecting with an elbow to the sternum. Yashmanga rips off his TPWW shirt to reveal a Masturbating Bear shirt, much to the groaning of the crowd. CoE:Its not like we havent seen this before..I thought I saw the popcorn guy duck when Yashmanga went for his shirt..We had enough problems with Hero.. JeRz: You speak the truth.. Yashmanga dances around, fondling a sock from his crotch while the crowd screams as their eyes burn. The Miz can no longer take it and spears him off his feet. Then promptly throwing Yash over the top rope, Yash's back bouncing off the sharp corner of the baracade. The Miz hurls himself over the top rope and onto Yash below. Both men appear very injured. We see a tall figure walk to the wring, its THE MASTURBATING BEAR! He puts both of the competitors into the ring and locks Yashmanga in the Masturbating Bear Hug! Yashmanga begins to bleed from the mouth. The bear drops Yash as Miz picks up the win! Winner and LHW Champion: The Miz Canadian International Qualifier: So Twistid vs. Kapoutman vs. da king vs. Hurricane All of the competitors quickly run at each other causing a train wreck in the center of the ring. Da King gores through Hurricane and Kapoutman levels Twistid with a boot. Da King catches Kapoutman's eye and they both go to the turnbuckle hitting that crappy move from Ready to Rumble. Once both men arise Da King drills Kapoutman with "The Crowning" and pins him for an elmination! JeRz: Kapoutman is elminated! CoE: Looks like I lose the office pool, I had you to scream "BY GAWD!" 40 times.. JeRz: BY GAWD x 40! CoE: We join the action in the ring with Twistid and King brawling and while Hurricane scouts the action. Twistid has King on the ground. He bounces off the ropes into a clothesline from the awaiting Hurricane! Hurricane climbs the ropes and nails the Outkaster and pins Twistid! Its down now to The Hurricane and Da King. Hurricane tries to light up in mid match but Da King wont have it! He takes the joint and shoves it into Hurricane's eye! Da King quickly drops Hurricane with "The Crowning" to win the Qualifier!! JeRz BY GAWD, WHAT A SLOBBERKNOCKER! CoE: Wooo! Look's like I just won the pool!